Shame [Part 1]

A toxically shamed person has an adversarial relationship with himself.

Toxic shame — the shame that binds us — is the basis for both neurotic

and character disordered syndromes of behavior.”

John Bradshaw. [i]

Through his books and lectures, John Bradshaw brought the toxicity of shame into the light of day. Even though thirty years have passed since his books were first published, his words are still very much true and relevant today.

I am going to address the topic of shame: how to recognize it, and how to recover from it. I am including the use of spiritual practice as an essential element in the healing process.

Humans have four primary emotions that are natural. These emotions are potentially present from birth–and perhaps even earlier. The emotions are fear, anger, sadness, and joy. These four emotions can be thought of as analogous to the primary colors: other emotions, such as loneliness, jealousy or resentment are mixes or shades of the four primary ones.

When we develop a sense of identity as an individual among other individuals (usually age three or four) then the potential for guilt and shame develops. We call these two the socialized emotions. They are “installed” by virtue of the fact that we are social creatures and that much of our identity develops from how others relate to us.

The primary difference between shame and guilt is that guilt references something we did or did not do. Whereas shame is not based upon behavior, it is embedded in our identity itself. Guilt says “You did something bad. Shame says, “You are something bad.” …. FULL ARTICLE AVAILABLE ON ROBERTBRUMET.COM